Creature of Fresh Air

Ever since I moved back to Kuwait and my emotional state has been nothing short of a roller coaster ride. Fleeting moments of exhilaration, followed by an almost instantaneous dip into depression (okay I might have over-dramatized it just a tad). But seriously, it's worrying.

Granted, I have exhibited tendencies to be moody before. I mean, people who don't know me too well think I'm an incorrigible case of a babbling happy-go-lucky gal with a permanent goofy smile stuck on her face. Oh and with a pretty loud laugh too. Some even went so far as to say (and I quote) that they "can't possibly imagine me depressed or anything less than grinning widely". Huh. Ignorance is a bliss they say. And those close to me would be quick to agree.

But even then, my moodiness was kept in check and at least had a pattern. I get whiny and cranky when my allergy fires up into a full fledged sinusitis (which is what I am suffering from at the moment). But hey, before you get all judgemental on me try having both your nostrils completely clogged along with a headache that gives "splitting" a whole new meaning, and let's see you be all jolly-molly.

Anyone who paid us a visit during my finals, or worse tried to actually engage me in a conversation, would know better than to repeat that. Whenever I'm stressed and worried, I become obnoxiously sullen and would even dress up with a frown that would make the Jordanian population proud. But then that would only happen once a semester, during finals.

So you see, it was under control. For the rest of the year, I'm myself- a normal, cheerful and happy girl that appreciates a lame joke (aka. "dabsheh") anywhere anytime and would even laugh her head of if the occasion called for it.

But that's not true anymore. I'm all over the place, I'm confusing the hell out of my own self.
And after much thought (and by "much" I mean the time it took me to cross the street to the toy shop next door to get some gifts for the star students) I have nailed down the reason.

I'm not getting enough fresh air. It's as simple as that. Between spending an entire working day inside freezing AC-ed classes, and the rest of the afternoon in front of a computer screen or a pile of teacher manuals, and in a country where the weather is hardly ever amiable, I am officially suffering from a lack of fresh air. "Fresh air deficiency", if you will.

Spending the better part of the two last years cooped up inside has had its toll on me. I mean, it only took 5 minutes to get to the toy shop but the second I took in that first whiff of cool breeze, I could feel happiness finding its way into my heart. My head instantly cleared up from all the gloomy thoughts and I think I actually smiled at the stray cat on the side of the road. We even had a short, but insightful conversation :P

Now that we've diagnosed the problem, an action plan must be decided on. This can't go on any longer, or I fear the effect will be irreversible. I must get "out of the box" (quite literally as the case may be) and do some serious fresh air breathing, landscape walking, and star gazing. I think maybe a career change is in order! I need to be in a place where the only time I find myself under a roof is when I'm off to bed, and even then it isn't necessary. Now where could I find that....
Hmm... Well, I've always thought that "Doctors without borders" were an awesome bunch. I mean, look at the great job they're doing. They're out there doing great things. Did you hear that, OUT there. I think I should go ahead and join them. I mean, it's doable, no? I think if I seem eager enough they can overlook the tiny insignificant detail that I am not, well, a doctor. That and the fact that if I see blood or anything remotely disturbing I would instinctively run in the opposite direction, shrieking madly.

Like I said, tiny insignificant detail.

Geez, what does a girl have to do to get some fresh air these days?