Older Wiser Me

Two years ago, I was a 21 year old fresh graduate who had nothing to show for "Work Experience" on her CV except a two-weeks job in a toy store over the Christmas season and some serious tick removal off hairy dogs in the animal shelter I volunteered in.

Now I am 23 and, thankfully, tick-free (wow that rhymes, I am so gifted:P) and nearing the end of my second year working in the same school. For no other reason but to kill time (not that I don't have tons of work, but I wanted to stall) I sat today reflecting on some situations I was put in last year and how I handled them. Some made me cringe, some made me laugh at how silly I was and some I have yet to figure out if I could have handled them differently. I love how we, young people, tend to overestimate how well-prepared we are to handle whatever is thrown at us. Eventually- but not painlessly- we manage to dodge most of the blows, but get our fair share of bull eyes. We have bruises to show for it. Bottom line is, we manage to survive.

Then two years later, not unlike myself today, we sit remembering those days and chuckling at ourselves. What's even worse is that it's a continuous process. So even though I think I'm all wise and stuff now as I critique my fresh-graduate former self. No doubt two years from now I will be remembering what I did this morning and either finding it extremely funny or horrifying (I'll put my money on the second one).

But I guess that's how the game is played. You handle things as best you know at that moment and then bare to be chuckled at by your very own 2-years-older-somewhat-wiser self.

Man I was absolutely clueless when I first set foot in the school (that is not to say that I am no longer clueless, but it has evolved into a more complex form of clulessness:). Thank God I was an assistant then, so I didn't have too much on my plate. And yet I still found myself in complete shock every now and then.

I just can't get myself to forget the first time I went down to my after school duty in the playground. After 15 minutes pass I am supposed to ask the kids to leave the playground and go wait in the reception. I, oblivious to the danger I was putting my self in, approached a bunch of loud teenage girls walking. In the nicest of ways, and with a smile on top, I asked them in Arabic to please go to the reception as we're required to close the playground gates. They stood there, giving me the dirtiest look I've ever seen. Then one was bold enough to mockingly repeat what I said stressing my Arabic accent which of course isn't Kuwaiti.
I don't exactly remember how I reacted, actually I don't think I even did. I just stood there, frozen in shock and disbelief. Yes that was the day I was introduced to the horrifying
impertinence of some of the students.
I learnt my lesson and never spoke to any of the students in anything but English. For some reason, when I spoke to them in English they shut up and nodded. They were unlikely to answer back.

Ah if I can only meet this girl again and have her do the same thing. Man I would skin her alive:P But what did that 2-years-younger Mariam know back then of beating up rude and vulgar kids!

Or that time I was unjustly told off by an unfriendly coordinator for supposedly showing up late to my duty (I wasn't), and when I went up to the supervisor to complain I ended up sobbing in her office and using up her year's supply of tissues. Poor 2-years-younger me. Ah the age of innocence.

But my favorite moment must be when the teacher I was assisting stayed absent and I had to take over and I stood there with only one thought in my head "Geez, why are they all staring at me? Do I have something stuck on my forehead? Man I KNEW I shoulda taken a look at the mirror this morning". Oh yeah, this whole "being in charge of the class" took some getting used to.

Of course that is not to say that I'm much better now. I still get puzzled and self-conscious when they all stare at me sometimes (hehe kidding:P) and still often find myself dumbfounded beyond speech in the face of similar impudence. But at least I don't cry in public now, but retreat to my chosen secret spot.
I also have under my belt some seemingly trivial, but very handy information. I know where the best parking spot is and which gates are open at which times. I can sneak in and use the administration's photocopying machine when I'm in a real hurry. Oh and get away with it:P I know how to carry myself in a way that demands at least partial respect from teenage students who are almost my own height. But I'm afraid I am still completely terrified when I pass by the 12th grader boys. Man they are HUGE. I would not want to get into the slightest disagreement with any of them. To handle those kids, I find myself using the same strategy I used last year: Avoid eye contact and flee.

Oh well, I guess I wasn't completely clueless back then after all!