It's hardly a secret that I love kids. Adore them more like it. Getting along with kids is second nature to me, I don't have to think twice about it. It just happens, just like that! We bond and mush together with ease. Like peanut butter and jelly, cookies n milk, and hot pizza and a corny movie- you know what I'm talking about! I love their company, truly and honestly. When I laugh with them, it's with my whole heart. And if I look like I'm enjoying myself, it's because I truly am!
Well, almost all kids. The ones older than 2 years anyway. Yes, recent exposure to infants has forced me to conclude without a shadow of doubt that I know absolutely nothing, zilch, nil, about handling newborn babies! It's almost embarrassing.
I should have a disclaimer attached to me: "Safe to use on kids 2+ years old".
If you think about it, I'm not to blame. We have absolutely NO infants in the family. The last baby we had was my cousin and she's now 13! (yep, it's that bad).
And the kids you see in the streets and malls with their parents are at least 6 months of age, nothing tinier. So my exposure to infants is nonexistent. (Well, unless you count the times when random people or folks I literally just met show me pics of their nieces and nephews on their mobiles. Yeah. What's that about??).
You can imagine then my shock when I actually come face to face with a newborn baby. I haven't been put in such a situation since a long time, but now that some of my friends are having their own babies, I often find myself confusedly staring at a pacifier or marvelling at a pampers box. I tell you, fascinating.
Who knew anything could be so ridiculously tiny- let alone a full functioning human being. With fingers, nose, toes and the whole package! They are SO TINY AND CUTE, it's kind of scary. Just a tad.
Good news is, I'm almost over my "What do you mean THAT'S IT??? Where's the REST OF her!!!" days. I almost react "normally" when I see them ("AwwwwwW, can I borrow her for a week???" is normal right?). Bad news is, that doesn't in anyway imply that I know the first thing about handling them.
My obvious ignorance notwithstanding, the minute I'm around them, I'm dying to hold them. So their mommies- against the better judgment of their maternal instincts- go ahead and give me their babies to carry.
Yikes. That's when the troubles start. I look as awkward, confused and nervous as I was during my Calculus 102 course in my first year at college (and that's saying something:P).
Today me and a teacher who works with me went to visit our friend Tina. She has a month old angelic baby girl called "Mia". She was dressed up in the cutest outfit as she lay in her crib staring at the weird ladies peeking over her. She looked like the cutest thing as she sucked on her "I love mama" pacifier.
My fellow teacher (a mother of four) expertly lifted her up and carried her for a while. Mia didn't complain, she's such a sweet-natured and social baby. She just observed what's happening with interest. It was endearing.
"My turn! My turn! I wanna carry her!"
After a great deal of fiddling from my part, I managed to carry her properly with her head supported and all that (I think). I then dutifully proceeded with the standard annoying baby talk, kisses till her cheeks are swollen and pulling weird faces that aim to amuse but usually scare the poor things!
My friends were chatting away together, when suddenly Tina paused for a second, glanced at me and laughed. "You're wondering: how the heck do I put her back in- aren't you?"
I was standing over the crib frozen in a weird posture. My body was arched forward and my hands half extended as if to place her back in, but not actually completing the move. It was as if someone had pressed the "pause" button and left to get a coke from the fridge but never came back. My face was screwed in concentration as I indeed was wondering how to place her back in since I had to somehow flip her around so her head is in the right direction. (Wow that sounds even stupider in typing:P)
I had been stuck like that for the last 3 minutes, but now mommy came to the rescue. Phew. I have a feeling I would've stayed there for quite some time!
Over coffee and cake they sat sharing stories about things like formula milk and the best brand of pampers and how swollen your feet get when you're pregnant.
If you think that I felt out of place and couldn't contribute to the conversation then I must say: shame on you.
Since when has knowing nothing about the subject stood in the way of my babbling???
Without invitation, I'd burst out with stuff like: "oooooh that's just like the time I went to the pharmacy and got formula milk for the abandoned kittens my sis and I found".
What? Why are you staring at me like that? It's not the same? really? Not even a tad? Okay.. *timidly*
What about when I had to feed Maple (a tiny orphan donkey) at the animal shelter from a bottle every two hours?
Or when I had to wake up every hour at night to check if my favorite cartoons was on.
Still no?
Right. I'll get back to my cake.
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2 comments:
"formula milk for the kittens..." made me laugh so hard. It reminds me of back in America when my Arab friends had infants. They were always bragging about the cutest thing their kid just did, and one day, without thinking, I blurted out, "Oh, we used to have a dog that would do that."
I learned that Arabs aren't flattered when you compare their children to dogs... even if it's unintentionally.
hehehehehe
Oh My God! I almost choked on laughter when I imagined the look of mortification on the face of your friends!!
hilarious!
At least I compared the kid to a kitten (which, albeit still unflattering, is significantly better:P)
You won't make friends at this end of the universe by comparing their kids to your dog, you got that one right;)
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