Emotional Chaos At Its Finest

I am going to be a teacher. A real teacher. With a class of my own and 20-something students staring at me! *gulp*
Technically, I am very much aware of the previous information. I was aware when I prepared my CV and applied for the job. I was aware when I gave my 'model lesson' by which I was evaluated, and I was also aware as I signed the contract. But being 'aware' of something, and for this something to actually sink in, are two completely unrelated matters, I can assure you.

And so I spent the biggest chunk of the summer back home in Jordan, blissful and at ease.. It felt good to be home. In the place that I love, with the people I cherish, doing the things I most enjoy- you can see why it was easy for me to disconnect from any worries that might otherwise have crowded my thoughts. Besides, September was more than two months away, that's a LOT of time, right?

Oh how I wish how I wish that was true.. Before I knew it I was on a plane back to Kuwait and school started the very next morning. It was the closest I ever got to a nervous breakdown without actually having one! I was going to be a teacher people. I was going to teach Kuwaiti boys, get that, KUWAITI BOYS. It was all I can do not to jump out of the plane! Saying that I panicked wouldn't half describe how I felt, I was white with fear. I grew dizzy from all the questions that swirled in my brain: What will I do? Will I be able to handle the kids? The parents? What happens if I can't? Will my classroom turn into a circus? Should I wear red socks or pink ones first day of school? (Okay, maybe I'm not supposed to share this last one:P)

I believe that it's not the event itself that we actually fear; it's the uncertainty, the ambiguity, the anticipation- which naturally accompanies something new- that tortures.
So by the time I was in the school itself, and was shown to the classroom which was to be mine this school year, I forgot all about being scared. To be honest, it was hard to think of much else, when I had a class filled with what I can only imagine to be the entire content of last year's Science Fare!
Somebody dumped the whole thing into my room, is that like a practical joke on new teachers or something? Ha ha, that's cute, can you stop it now?
But come the next day, and the next, and the dump was still standing strong. It was time to take action!
And so the whole of last week was spent setting up my classroom (the kids don't start school till after a couple more days), getting rid of the dump, arranging the furniture, the stationary, posting up my classroom rules and stuff. It was a lot of work, but I didn't even feel it. There is something about preparing your own class that involves you completely. It gives you a sense of ownership, you feel it's your very own space, where you and only you run the show, in this otherwise big crazy and out-of-control world:)

Underneath all that rubble, my classroom turned out to be very spacious. And I'm proud to announce that today I was done with most of the decorations:) I'll be posting photos of my classroom, just as soon as I take some tomorrow, oh and figure out how to publish them in the post!!

I snuggled in the corner of my class, cherishing the sound of silence. Everything looked so neat and in order. It was hard to imagine that in a couple of days, this same room will be filled with rowdy boys and a million voices!

But for now, I was alone and weirdly enough, even though the big day is nearer than ever, I felt nothing but calmness and serenity... I'll be enjoying it while it lasts;)